If I write down all the times you crossed my mind, my blog will be filled of thoughts about you.
I know there’s a lot of ish things happened between us. If only I have the power to UNDO everything that had happened. I’ll go and stop to the moment that I wasn’t able to help you. Sometimes, I felt like I didn’t do my role as your girlfriend. The problem with me, I let you do your own thing and now you didn’t grow. You became contented to what you achieved which is nothing. And I hate whatever you’re doing right now, I wanted to help you but I guess it’s too late. You stay at home 7 days a week and 24 hours a day, doing nothing or should I say doing some house hold choirs. But in-spite of all that I’d still love you and hoping that someday you will have plans for US (sounds pathetic). I came to a point that I’ve almost lost my faith in you and even in our relationship, but the good thing, you were always there to remind me not to give up. You never fail to show how much you love me, you accept all my flaws..my mood swing..you even love everything about me. I feel so f****ng unfair about how I felt for you. I’m not saying I didn’t love you back.. I love you since we started this relationship up to now. I might say, that our feelings grow deeper and deeper but not stronger as we thought. Come to think of it, we’ve been together for almost 14 years and I think we’re stuck, we’re blinded by our own feelings and with our own beliefs. (insert sad face)
While I was musing, I’ve realized something…so clearly, you were contented of what we are right now the way how you contented with yourself. You didn’t notice that something’s missing in our relationship and I don’t know if you’re aware and just ignored it. I was came to a point that I felt so tired – not with my feelings for you but in our relationship routine (geez, if he can read my blog right now. It would broke his heart and I’m so thankful that he don’t spend time surfing to the internet, he knows I have a blog, though!).
I’ve been trying to tell you this so many times. Remember the day when I asked some space for us. What did you told me, that we can fix things without separating each other, I agreed on that, because, I LOVE YOU. I want you to understand, that sometimes we need to let go of each other. Not just because I gave up, but to make things right between us. It’s not that I’m saving myself from drowning in love, because as much as I wanted too, I was drowned the moment I started to love you.
Now, I’m scared that one day, you’ll wake up and realize that we really need to separate ways . If that day comes, I’m already drenched in your love and I don’t know if I can get up from drowning and if I would be ready from that moment (sad but true). You didn’t ask for anything, because you said that you already have ME and I am more than enough.
Thank you for always believing in me; for loving me, for trying your best to show your effort, for everything you did for the sake of our relationship, for giving me your shoulder to cry on (I don’t remember how many times I cried on his shoulder), for making me feel that you are not just a boyfriend but a friend (best friend) that I can always count on.
I stayed and chose to be drown in your love!
This is so much like an OPEN LETTER (well, literally it is!), but that word was overrated and I wanted something different. Why not change it to something new and catchy. So, I come up with the idea of MY HEART SPEAKS. When you’re making a letter to someone (if it’s really sincere), not only your mind can speak but 100% of it, was the HEART. This is just the first part of “My Heart Speaks”, meaning there’s more to come and hoping to get publish more volumes. Now, I’ll find out here, if how many times MY HEART SPEAKS!