Hiding The Pain


You’ve said that you need me and asked if I could stay. I told myself I would stay until you get over with all your trouble… until I’ll see you rise again. I saw how broken you were and no one dare to ask if you were okay. I’m the only person you can count on every time you feel so down and needed someone to talk too.

I’ve been with you almost every night watch getting yourself drunk. Listen to all your heartaches and frustrations in life. You don’t want me to leave because you want me to hug you until you’ll fall asleep. I didn’t leave you because I’ve noticed that you were afraid to be alone. Maybe that’s the reason why you need me…maybe because I made you feel better in your miserable life or maybe I`m good for your ego.

I was at your side on your lowest point of your life. There was a time that you told me you love me and I’m the best thing that ever happened to your life. I was dumbfounded and you didn’t know how much it affects me.

The pain is killing me.

I’m not aware that I would love you at your worst. I never intend to stay this long. I`ve never thought that I would fall so deep. I have no plans on loving you so much because I know what kind of pain it’ll cause me. But I embraced all the pain and let myself love you…I let you break my heart over and over. I didn’t know that it would hurt me much.

I wanted to leave because the pain is killing me. I told you to be honest when it comes to your past. Yes you’ve been honest but there’s one thing you didn’t tell me and that cause me a big heartache.

So many questions that longing for an answer.

Why you didn’t tell me about her? Why you didn’t tell me that you’re still together? What did I do that made you lied many times? Am I not enough for you that’s why you still keeping her? Why you can’t love me the way I love you and the way you love her? Why her and not me? Why do you need me if you still love her? From the time that you were down did she even bothered to ask you then why it’s hard for you to let her go?

She was  the reason of all your heartaches…she made you a fool…she made you feel stupid…she cheated on you! She only have you at your best not on your worst and yet you still love her? You ignored the girl who was willing to give you the whole world, you ignored me!

Love can make you feel stupid.

In spite of everything I found out yet I’m still willing to stay and willing to embrace all your flaws.  Yes…I am hoping that when you get tired of loving her maybe that would be the time you’ll see my worth. And if does not happen I am still grateful that at least I tried to work things out between us.

I would not letting you go…for now! Because I’ll hold on to what you’ve said “Stay with me until I’ve learned to unloved her”. But I don’t know how much longer I can hold on.


6 thoughts on “Hiding The Pain

  1. Quite an experience, ice. This is like waiting till the vacancy is opened!
    If you are happy because of the hope he gave you, go ahead and wait until he learns to unlove her and if he is unable to learn, start preparing yourself for tears and don’t forget to tell the man that is also waiting at the other end for you to learn how to unlove, to wait for you, cause you might need him!
    Nice honest post!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: LOVING THE WRONG PEOPLE!!! | Jerri Perri

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